Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
