Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
