the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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