please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
last night I used snow as a chaser
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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