just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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