Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
