It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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