I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
