shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
