talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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