Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
