Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
