and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
