I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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