tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
