i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
