Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize