Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
