My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sponge bath it is.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
