It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just googled if crying burns calories
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
