turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize