Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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