Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're so nebulous sometimes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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