you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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