her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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