how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
