I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
