Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
