Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize