fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i love accidental penises.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
