New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
