No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
