he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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