Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
