Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize