I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I died a long time ago.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i now understand why vodka
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
