yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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