My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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