I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
