the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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