I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
