seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
