You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize