she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
