smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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