a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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