I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
