Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
there is glitter all over my balls
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
