In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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