The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
