Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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