I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
