What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize