A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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