i think my tv is drunk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
NoShamevember. You game?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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