But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
