Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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