Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
