So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
