That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I could fuck to npr.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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