The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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