A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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