Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
