You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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