i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize