I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
