I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
