It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
