So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
