Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
