I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize