A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
