Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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