i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
