I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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