sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
