please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
