Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
