I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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