There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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