somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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