mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize