I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
