kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
