Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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