dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
