you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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