perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
