So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize