he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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