somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
