What did we do last night that was yellow?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Rumble strips road head = magical
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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