Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
