Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
